Getting the best of me

Some people, I guess, will never try to see the other side of situations. Some people will never try to open up their minds and try to understand how others feel, or what they might be thinking…or what they are going through. Some people will never ask for how you are doing because all they can care and think about is themselves. Some people i guess will eventually realize all of this either…at point of death and regret everything…or when they lose either someone really special to them or they lose everything….. im trying to live each day to not regret anything… I do regret getting into arguments with my mother…but sometimes….when holding it in for so long….you will eventually explode…its natural. …right???  Am i wrong to have feelings, thoughts and problems too? Am i wrong? Mario told me he needs me to be a little less caring …i think so too…but thats just me…i will always care. always. i try so hard to not care and not show any emotions….but i always cave in because i am so considerate on others feelings, thoughts and problems. I just…feel regret and guilt and then i dont… but am i wrong? am i bad person for just being this way??? Sounds like im begging for attention or something…but im serious i feel like im going insane….one day i feel im making the best decisions and then the next i feel i did and said everything wrong. I also feel like im just simply not enough to others, i try so hard to be there and be positive to family and attend special occasions. I try so hard to make everyone happy…i always went out of my way and things to make family happy, just to find out it wasnt enough. Kills me so bad inside…i feel like im constantly fighting this battle in my head if im the one who actually messed everything up…but then i feel…it wasnt just me…it was all of us… and again goes the cycle. I know i am alway so hard on myself but because i want to be enough and im a perfectionist at heart. At this point….i really have no idea whats right…and whats wrong. What did i do wrong, what did i say wrong, what could have i done better or what could i have said to make them more happy… all these things are just getting the best of me and i feel all i have left is nothing but the worse. Sorry for going on and on…but this is whats on my mind. lol 


About IronCakes

Amanda Cantu is my name, Broker for a freight company and vocalist for a metal band named ESIA! Going through a journey with trying to get into the best shape of my life again, getting back into Jiu Jitsu, going back to school for Mortuary Science and eventually open up my own tea/coffee bar.

Posted on July 25, 2013, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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