Author Archives: MetalQueen
Growing up, my parents never taught us about Jesus or God. We never went to church and never talked about this topic. So growing up as a teenager, I did not really believe in anything. My senior year of high school I started researching Wicca and started following it. I believed and followed Wicca for 10 years. I understand almost everything about it. It is a beautiful religion. I can’t say anything bad about it. But it was not for me. I was not feeling it deep in my soul. And I lacked the fullness and filling of this void in the middle of my chest. Wicca did work..sometimes. But nothing compares to the love and knowing of Jesus Christ.
A little over a year ago, I was going through some pretty tough things. A friend passed away, I had started a new job that I ended up really disliking really fast, my son was starting to become a handful, I was going through some tough parts in my relationship with my husband, going through some weird paranormal activity in our house and I was also going through really tough depression and anxiety. Anxiety would come if not every other day then every two days. When I would get anxiety at night, that was the worst. It was so hard to manage and to go to sleep. And when I would fall asleep, it was so hard to get up and start my day.
One day, it was really late at night, my son was in bed and my husband and I were down stairs watching TV together. I suddenly got a really horrible anxiety attack. I broke down in tears because I was so tired of depression, anxiety, pretending I was okay and I was so tired of feeling empty. Through this break down…I felt and saw (in my minds eye) two bright hands with white sleeves reach out and touch my shoulders and when the hands touched me …my pain was taken away. I ended up crying out of happiness and relief. I could not fully explain or describe this feeling..all I can say is that it felt like a big wight was taken off my shoulders and I was no longer in pain. Mind you that at this time I was still a believer of Wicca. But that night changed that. I started asking my husband questions about God. He is familiar with Gods word and used ot preach time to time. So I started asking him questions and became some what of a believer. Not too longer after I told him that I wanted to go to church. My husband was a bit surprised too. We went and my mom also did as well.
When the band started playing I started tearing up a bit but tried hiding it.
Church went great. I felt everything was directed towards me…After that I became even more hungry for learning about Jesus and Gods word..BUT I didn’t take it super seriously. I just said..ok, I believe now and accepted that he exists and hear Judah Smith sermons here and there.
Until a few months ago, something strange happened. So at this point of my life I had lost two friends. One was at the beginning of last year and then my best friend in November of 2019. Not only did I lose two friends to death but I also lost another one that just suddenly went MIA. I seriously have no way of contacting her and she has not reached out to me. Before any of my friends passed away I had a group of friends but with the first friend passing it broke up our group.So, I only had about 3 real close friends and the only one I had left…was like a brother to me, (we will call him Will, just out of respect) I was able to talk to him about things that were tough to talk about..even though we did not talk every single day..he would at least come over 1-2 times every month and hang out for hours. A few months ago..he came over and I went to sleep and he stayed with my husband hanging out…suddenly something happened that he kinda lashed out to my husband..in my house..kinda sizing him up syaing he’s a dick. But my husband was baffled and really had no idea what he was talking about. (they were on lucy mind you) After he left, my husband came to wake me up to tell me what had happened and even I was so confused and shocked because it was really out of character for him to do something like this. So I stayed up comforting my husband because he was a bit devastated and really confused on what the heck just happened. See, this friend was a really close friend to not just me but to my husband. Heck, they talked more to each other than I did to Will. They became really close and my husband loves him dearly. We spoke highly of Will and my husband even invited into his circle of jiu jitsu friends. We both saw him as a life long friend/brother.
When that happened…I had reached out to Will to see what had happened. He stated that there was just issues and that he did not like how my husband said his gf’s name….weird, right? Will was also starting to hang out with other friends that he introduced to my husband that just seemed sketchy but my husband being who he is..just let it go. So I tried to make sense of it and nothing made sense. I do not know if this was his way of just wanting to not be friends anymore or whatever. Either way it was weird, out of character and just …idk….. felt..somewhat for a reason that it happened.
So the next day after that…I started kinda researching on friends who do weird things on lucy and what not and there are several storied that some friends flip out for no reason and sometimes think their friends are out to get them or manipulate them and such. So, ok, cool there is some sort of reason. But even trying to reach out to him and talk..it still made no sense. I then started praying..and starting reading from the bible online. lol I read verses and proverbs of friends such as “Some friends play at friendship but a true friend sticks closer than one’s nearest kin” Proverbs 18:24 and many more. I felt ok…then something is going to happen that maybe Will is just not worthy of being there…maybe I am finally going to succeed at something…or maybe just God is removing “friends” so that way I can have room for the real ones that I will be making later. From that day on I started Proverbs every day, reading the bible and writing my take-a-ways on a journal from what I am reading and also watching videos and doing research. Just really diving into the word of God and truly reading and pray every single day multiple times a day…. Things started changing rapidly.
From getting the dream job I wanted, passing the toughest class ever that I knew I was going to fail even if I passed the exam, credit scores just going up for NO reason, my son being accepted to a school that was tough to get in, to money suddenly appearing when needed and so much more!. I know all these things sound like “Well it could just happen or coincidence” but no…no no no. I know deep in my heart that this was the doing of God. Everything has been. Diving in and believing and praying everyday has really changed my life. Sure I lost some friends but I know there is a purpose for that. It hurts that I lost Will but I know that God is taking care of me. And guess what….he can take care of you too! Just let go…let go and believe. I believe.
I am extremely late on posting this but I am now an ICCFA Crematory Arranger and Operator. I completed this just before Christmas and got my certificates in the mail 2 weeks ago. I am almost done with school as well which feels so great! But! I am however going to continue school for Biology. I never thought that I’d be back in school because the odds were against me because I have a son and work full time. But it feels so good even though this certification is not that big of a deal it just feels good to have completed it!
Don’t you just hate having that feeling that you know you have to wake up the next morning super early to get dressed, do what you gotta do and then head to your place of employment? I HATE IT! Luckily, to day is the LAST DAY that I had to wake up an hour earlier to get myself, my son and get my husband up and head to work! I have been given the opportunity to start working from home at MY OWN SCHEDULE! YES, MY OWN SCHEDULE! EXCEPT for these next 2 weeks, because of training, but after that it is FREEDOM! I can finally set a time that I WANT to go to the gym, do laundry, go grocery shopping, spend time with my son and NOT have to schedule MY LIFE around someone elses Work schedule. Yes it is nice to have an 8-5 Monday through Friday job, YES! IT IS! But not when most of your energy is during the morning and you want to work out, clean, do laundry or simply have a lazy movie binge day! It SUCKS to have to do your house chores and other errands done AFTER you get out of your 8-5 job. Finally! I have the luxury of picking my own hours of work. I am so happy and so relieved! Relieved because I was worried I wouldn’t find a job when I move to San Antonio for school! But now I can work remotely and enjoy school, get back into Jiu Jitsu, starting writing more music, paint more and be free to do what I want, when I want! If anyone is interested in working remotely, feel free to message me!
Have a wonderful day! : )
I avoid mirrors.
I avoid mirrors.
I avoid mirrors because I still don’t see myself.
I avoid mirrors because I still can’t feel myself.
I try to slap, pinch, hit, cut or try to shake myself, to bring myself back to reality.
I don’t work right either.
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Mortuary Confidential, Undertakers Spill the dirt!
I have had the pleasure of reading this book and boy some of the stories are actually really hilarious! I am soon to be going back to school for Mortuary Science. One day I was going through Pinterest and thought why don’t I search Mortuary Science and see what pops up. One of the first things that showed up was this book. I quickly ordered it and patiently waited for it to come in through the mail. Ok, maybe I wasn’t that patient. But I was eager to read what other morticians and funeral directors stories were. The book is only 234 pages long, not that long of a book but its definitely worth the purchase. It’s hilarious with a slightly morbid view. Some stories are really heart felt and touches the bottom of your heart but for the majority of the stories are actually really funny. Check it out, I promise you won’t be disappointed. : )
Check out this cool mug!
Unfortunately, most people suffer from the occasional bout of anxiety. No one is completely free from worry and fear. Besides, life seems to be moving faster than ever, and our world has some seriously scary $*@! sometimes. A certain level of anxiety is to be expected!
We are no exception. We have had many sleepless nights, asking ourselves questions such as; “Am I on the right path?” “Am I prepared for my presentation in the morning?” “Have I been a good partner/friend this week?” “Is that a freckle or a tumor?” The list goes on and on…
So, how do we cope during anxious times? Aside from excellent self care (proper nutrition, adequate sleep, daily exercise, minimal alcohol and caffeine), we find inspirational mantras to be extremely helpful.
What exactly is a mantra? Essentially, it’s a word or phrase repeated over and over again during meditation. The beautiful thing about reciting mantras, is that…
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